Beta #3: 760
Since my HCG levels have more than doubled between each beta, our doctor says that we’re done with blood testing. On April 1, we go in for an ultrasound to see what’s shaking in there. Yup, I had my first beta on Friday the 13th and will have my first ultrasound on April Fool’s Day.
Of course, I am obsessing over these beta numbers. I was close to 80 on March 13, at 320 on March 16, and at 760 on March 18. They want to see a 66% increase every two days and that’s obviously happened. But as my math-obsessed brain noted, there was a 300% rise over three days and then a 140% rise over two days. So now I’m in Anxious Land because it looks like the rate slowed down. Basically, I wanted a big jump up. (Nurse didn’t comment on it.)
I’ve also continued to do home tests because I can’t calm down. All positive. The test line hasn’t gotten much darker since March 14 — but we know that my HCG has gone up in that time, so I’m guessing that the test maxed out. Funnily, the control line has started to get lighter. Maybe one shouldn’t take “Early Response” tests past the 5 week mark?
Symptoms have been all over the place. Yesterday, I felt more or less normal and it was making me jumpy. But today, I was one hormonal lady. I really wanted cashews this morning, bought a container at CVS, and ate a couple handfuls. Less than an hour later, I was totally grossed out by the mere prospect of nuts and had this low-level nausea. I also was so tired by mid-afternoon that I fell asleep sitting up in my office’s breakroom equivalent. Plus I’m delightfully bloated and all my pants look rather unfortunate.
My only really consistent issue (even the cramps vary in concentration) is insomnia. I haven’t slept through the night in about two weeks. Last night, I slept for 5 hours in a row and felt victorious. A few days ago, I only slept for 4.5 hours total and in 1.5-hour increments. I was so exhausted that I burst into tears in my boss’ office. She was hugely nice about it, but I felt like a crazy person.
Honestly, I don’t mind the symptoms much because they are my little clues about what’s going on. But the anxiety is almost overwhelming. It’s so hard to believe that, after a year of doctor’s appointments and drugs and frustration, we’ve finally landed a happy result. I can’t help obsessing over the beta numbers or the pregnancy tests’ levels of dark purple-ness. I want to be both hopeful and realistic and I massively crave certainty.